How does one end a blog?

It was fitting that the ending this morning was drizzly and gray. The beginning was drizzly and gray, too - the only difference being about 40 degrees. The morning matched the mood - solemn and a bit weepy.



In just a few minutes, the judge ruled that the marriage was over and wished us only good things in the future. Too bad that last decree doesn't carry much weight. I too only wish good things for the future, but this is life and it happens without regard to the plan.



It is funny that I do feel a bit different - kind of undefined. A bit like the exoskeleton is too large and I'm bumping around inside. I don't feel like a failure, I don't feel bitter, I don't even feel terribly sad. I feel a bit poignant, a fair amout of relief, and as always, curiosity.

Although this blog has ended, you can always follow the individuals on Facebook, Twitter, or by e-mail and phone calls. Who knows, maybe I'll change the name and continue the tales of a boy named Benjamin. Although, I don't think high-schoolers much like being the subjects of mom's blog. So FB is probably your best bet.

What I did this summer...

School starts tomorrow. I'll be taking Ben to the bus at 6:30 a.m. and then heading into school for early morning duty so that I can get off early (hah!). For some reason I feel the desire to write that cliche' essay.

• Did NOT update the blog. If you really want to know what I'm doing, then friend me on Facebook.
• Taught summer school.
• Took a photography course.
• Took a course on geoecosystems in Yellowstone National Park with my dad.
• Drove the Going-to-the-Sun-Road in an old-timey red car at Glacier National Park with my dad.
• Sorted gravel for sapphires in Montana with my dad.
• Went to the Ute Stampede in Nephi, UT with my mom, dad, Ben and Uncle Steve.
• Spent a week at mining camp in Texas.
• Saw KA in Las Vegas with Ben, Bryce & Tyce.
• Visited the Shelby Museum in Vegas with Ben and my mustang-loving nephew, Tyce.
• Got my toes prettified with my fab sil, Rebecca.
• Cleaned out my closet, the garage, and the laundry room.
• Hit my fitness goal and had to buy a new wardrobe.
• And some more completely fantastic stuff.

Is it any wonder that I don't want to be back in school?

It's sometimes cool to be a mom.

1. Ben tells me that he is ready to get his hair cut - short. I make the appointment and on the way, he informs me that he is going to blame it all on me. (After seeing the result, I will gladly take that blame!)

I have walked past him 3 times in various venues without recognizing him. His teacher carried on and on about how shocked she was. He looks good.

2. He is really fun to hang out with. Here he is at the art car parade dancing to the tunes from the disco bus!

3. Ben's grades slipped a little and he was grounded from the computer. After his grade raised, he thanked me for grounding him. Not sure that I heard right, I asked, "what?!" "Thanks for grounding me, Mom - now my character on World of Warcraft has full HP because he rested so long." (there's always a catch!)

4. Ben worked really hard on his Lone Star project which is a cumulative, interconnected display of everything they learned in Texas History, science, math and literacy this year. Ben made jerky, wrote a script for a podcast and directed said podcast. When I get a good link, I'll share it with you.

Of Lions and Lambs

You know the saying....March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb? I don't know that they meant the weather - it seems to apply much more to life. March began with a roar. I know we still have another week to go, but already the pace is less frantic. No big stresses are viewable. I'm hoping for the lamb-like ending.

The last week of February was busy - very busy. Come in late and get to bed late - busy. 5 hours of sleep a night busy. Ben was on academic probation, so Mean Homework Mom was required everyday. Nate's iron must be really low, because he is sleeping 16-18 hours a day. I am slightly overcommitted (as usual), but am handling it. not well, but doable. Until...

Friday the 27th, I was elected Teacher of the Year for my campus. This should be a great honor, right? I had a moment of "awww...somebody noticed" which was cut short when they told me that I had to write 7 essays (~14 pages by the following Friday). You know that I HATE to write! I have terrible writers block on a good day, and I wasn't having any good days lately. Panic sets in.

Saturday the 28th, Ben is to be in Austin for the state German competition. This is a 3 hour drive each way. Nate is too sick to go, so I drink about 3 diet cokes and head out early in the morning. I take a wrong turn. I call my sister for internet directions and Ben makes it to his competition time with 10 minutes to spare. (Turns out that the wrong turn was a benefit as there was a terrible wreck on the road we were supposed to be on, and traffic was backed up for an hour). Ben does his 2 competitions (german play and german skit) and we get back on the road home. I force him to go to the store where they are having a 70% off men's suits sale. He chooses a beautiful sport jacket. We arrive home at 8 p.m. A really, really long day, but I lived.

Monday, March 2nd. My shelves arrive. They were ordered in December for my lab, but installation got quirked and they arrive today to install them. My new directive is to get that unholy mess from the 2 room floodings the past fall cleaned up before the EP comes to visit. (Oh, and by the way, don't forget those essays). I come home to write, and promptly get in a fight with Nate, who is not really very coherent. I really, really want to run away from home. Really.

March 4th - spend the day getting my essays rewritten (since the computer didn't save my last changes). Principal assigns me to attend a meeting next Wednesday evening. (Science Fair is on Tuesday and Family Science Night is on Thursday. Evidently someone told him that I had a couple of free hours on Wednesday afternoon) Ben gets his Star rank in Scouts. Good job, Ben! (good job, mom, for grounding him until the last requirement was finished) Find out that Ben is 28 entries behind in his journal which is being picked up on Friday. Thus start the super-late nights...

March 5th - send off essays in the morning to my 2 dear friends for editing. Nate has doctor appointment spurred by our argument on Monday. Docs see him, run labs, have no answers. Go visiting teaching and then drop into my hair person, as I cannot gray gracefully anymore following 13 ma'am's since Saturday. As I walk in her door, the phone rings. Nate's doctor is admitting him to the hospital immediately. I apologize and go directly home. Thank goodness Heather can take Ben overnight and do school dropoff and pickup on Friday. We head to the hospital where all they can tell us is that is hemoglobin is less than 6, and his hemocrit is 1. (both of these are critical levels). The plan is to transfuse blood until Nate's levels are above critical, and then do IV iron in hopes that his body will make more blood. By this time, I am dangerously tired, and a little stressed because I haven't done the final edit on my essays. Nate sends me home at 11:30. I return home and get through the essay edits. Many thanks to my friend who chatted with me online until I was through the crisis and could think. Get to sleep around 2:30 a.m.

March 6th. Print final copy and put in dividers. Go to school to drop it off and head straight to hospital. Nate is looking less pale - he actually has some color in his skin instead of the transparent sallow look of the past few years. They haven't started the iron iv, yet. The doctor comes in and is quite concerned that the full workup that we had done 1.5 years ago hasn't been followed up on. Gets him to a new hemotologist on Monday. (yay!) After the iron iv and confirmation that he is 2/3 full of blood, and the final okay, we head home at 6 p.m. Nate eats dinner and goes right to sleep. I decide to color my hair myself, so that I can squeeze in for a haircut on Tuesday. (put this one under things NOT to do immediately after bringing your husband home from the hospital). It's rather light - blond in some places.

March 8th. Get word from my AP that the last 2 words on the essay were cut off, and can I fix it and bring it to her first thing on Monday? Nate feeling better, but starting to look pale again. Ben up until midnight writing.

March 9th. Science fair is tomorrow. I don't even know how many projects are actually completed. I have 9 judges scheduled for tomorrow. I call for all projects and end up with....5. 5 projects. Last year we had over 100. Decide to cancel the judges since it isn't worth their time to take off from work to judge 5 projects. Start cleaning the lab to make administration happy. Get an "FYI" e-mail informing the school that I am now the 'bat containment specialist'. ??? Which means that if there is a bat on campus, they should call me so that I can contain it and call the district animal control. (in the past few years, there have been some rabid bat incidents). What I want to know is how I got assigned this job? I'm only a science teacher! Start laughing hysterically which beats crying hysterically. Nate comes home from his hematologist appt with a calendar. His body made blood (nearly a pint!) with the iv iron from the hospital. So now we know that his body makes iron, but we don't know if it is an absorption or storage issue. Plan is to give heavy iron ivs for each of the next 3 weeks, and then wait 3 weeks to see if his body will store iron and absorb it. At last! After 3 years there is a plan! Ben up until 1 a.m. writing.

March 10th. Science Fair. Judge 5 of the WORST projects I have ever seen. Start prepping for family science night which is in 2 days. Get my hair cut. It looks cute. Come home - Ben is reading my high school yearbook and informs me that I have the same hair as then. Ben up late writing again.

March 12th. Family Science Night. Very, very nervous as I changed the way it was handled from previous years. Starts POURING at 3:30 p.m. Get all set up and ready. Crocodile Encounters and J.C. come to do their presentations beginning at 5:30. All 6 earth science activities are ready and most of my volunteers show up. -- Only 6 kids are there. Finally about 6pm, we have to start adding chairs and the evening begins. It went great! Everyone was pleased with the presentations and the activities. It ran very smoothly and we were cleaned up and out of there by 8 p.m. My principal even called me to say thanks. wow!

March 13th. School. Spring Break begins at 3:30 p.m. I'm trying to stay awake....trying....trying... I sleep for the next 3 days.

March 16-20th. My sister and our friend TA have set up a project goal as well as a daily reward for meeting our goals. I get the Den clean. Yes, for real! for the first time in 2 years, everything has a place and is in it. I finish the handmade book that has been sitting in pieces for the past 14 months. I get the house clean, I shop, I cook, I start working out to get ready for my trip to Yellowstone. It's a great week. Nate is getting much better - not normal yet, but now only sleeping 12 hours a night.

March 21st - we all go out for lunch and then to 2! stores. This is something Nate hasn't been able to do since the summer. (and back then, I couldn't do it because of my broken foot). He evidently overdid because he had a migraine for the next 24 hours, but he is improving.

March 22nd - It has been a really long month. I was under enormous amounts of stress. I was so stressed I stopped eating (and you know that I am usually a stress-eater). I need to thank my family and friends for their support. Heather, the Wards, Rebecca, Jim - you were all true blessings in my life and I could not have gotten through without you.

March 23rd - back to school. Not completely rested, but the days are more normal now. regular labs, regular classes, regular life...I hope it continues for the rest of the month.

Thoughts on Jury Duty

When I received my summons, I was of two minds. First, I had a sense of dread brought on by the memory of my last experience in criminal court. (As a juror for those of you who wondered.) Second, I had this dream that I could go sit in the jury assembly room, drink my hot chocolate and read uninterrupted for a couple of hours.


My contention with jury duty last time was that I found it incredibly stressful to decide another person's future. I know that they made bad choices, but I didn't relish the responsibility. I also didn't like making decisions with only partial information. However, I also believe that my country requires the service of good, reasonable people in order to function in a good, reasonable way, so I did my best.

I am concerned by the number of people who believe that any time and effort they spend on the workings of democracy is too much. Not just those who learn the phrases that will get them out of jury duty, but also the ones who want to elect officials and then wash their minds of any further responsibility. How can we blame elected officials for doing the wrong thing if we don't keep informed? Is anyone else really, really bothered by this latest economic stimulus package?

After several weeks of ignoring advice from others on how to respond during voir dire so that I would be released, today finally arrived. I arose at the same time as usual, put on the same clothes I wear to work, because there is a dress code for jury duty, and drove downtown. I was able to park in the jury lot for fifty cents less than my jury pay was expected to be. This was a good omen, as the other lots charge $8-$10 a day. I found a seat in the back where the row consists of 2 seats, opened my book, put up the flap on my hot chocolate lid and began to relax.

As I sat, I realized that I felt SAFE in a manner that is uncommon now that we live in the big city. It took me awhile to put my finger on the reason, but as the jury duty video played in the background, I figured it out. Everyone in the room is a good, upstanding citizen. There are no felons, no one is facing felony charges, no one is insane. Since jury rolls are taken from voting lists, nobody is uncouth (young) enough to listen to loud music, make-out, or shout into cell phones. There are no children to make my teacher eye pop out. There are no sleep-deprived mothers of children under 10 (only sleep-deprived mothers of teenagers), and everyone missing had already lied and turned in their exemptions. People sat with an empty seat between them and minded their own business.


Juxtapose this experience against a PTO meeting at the school where I teach. Parents who speak little English talking on cell phones, carrying on loud conversations with profanity and raucous laughter while the principal is trying to impress upon them the importance of their children's education, while said children (and their siblings - both younger and older) run across the tops of the lunchroom tables or up and down the steps on the stage and then finally pandemonium when the police were called because two parents got into a fight over who the mother of both their children should sit with. Amazing. I briefly consider a career as a court clerk or bailiff - so orderly.

The jury duty video (repeated in 3 languages even though you can't serve if you aren't fluent in English) was low enough I could block it out. Loren Jackson, our recently elected district clerk, has apparently been elected because of his stand-up routine. After his one-liners, they administer the oath and begin calling groups. 5 groups go to criminal court, 4 to civil court and 2 or 3 to family court. Three times bailiffs return to the jury assembly room to call names of people missing from their group. They actually know if you are missing! Wow! I miss the last group by 11 numbers.


One group comes back - evidently an attorney didn't show up or something. We are advised to pay for our parking to avoid lines later in the day. I do so. Then they announce that we can donate our jury duty pay - all $6 of it - to either a victims group or Child Protective Services. I fill out the paperwork to make my selection and am touched by how many people are willing to donate during a tough economy. I also notice the scornful, disbelieving looks of those who choose not to donate. They obviously think we are crazy. Because the difference between me and a millionaire is $6?

I finish my book. Wow - I used to read a book a day and lately a book lasts me 2 weeks. I'm starting to get my things together - obviously I won't be needed today. Uh oh, the computer screens light up with another list of numbers. Mine's not there. Oh, its the group that got sent back. I guess the attorney finally showed up.

We are given final instructions and thanked for our service. (Thank you! Finishing that book was a treat compared to my Tuesday classes.) They release us to the survival of the fastest danger of the freeways and the rabid routine of real life.

I think I'm going to miss jury duty. Not because it is peaceful, convenient, or fun, rather because sacrificing a little for the betterment of others is worth it.

The Cost of Energy

At the first of every year, I tend to reevaluate my life. I have friends who do this on their birthdays, and others who plan a meditation retreat one weekend every year, but for me, the New Year just seems to work.

This year I am reevaluating my career choice and the cost of energy. And before your eyes glaze over, this isn't really about gas prices beginning to go up. I left my career in accounting to be a teacher for a couple reasons. One, the Lord told me to. Two, when I drug my feet about opening that new door, he threw me out the window. (I found myself unemployed a little earlier than I had planned on. Luckily I was only a couple of months away from beginning my new career in education.)

Being an accountant, I had created several spreadsheets that did a cost analysis - could I go from making a nice salary to only getting paid for 9 months of work? Several factors were involved: drycleaning, maid service, and childcare costs. I figured I could squeak by, but it would be a sacrifice.

Teaching has been more profitable than I ever imagined. In the past 5 years, we purchased a house, a new (to us) car and began a new savings account. This doesn't really seem possible when I look at the spreadsheets. However, sometimes the little things add up. Now I don't buy clothes that need to be dry cleaned. Per month savings: $50. No maid service - per month savings: $150. Free parking - per month savings $70. No afterschool and summer care - annual savings....$5000. Not driving during rush hour - approximate savings of $200 per month.

The biggest change was meals. Although, I come home tired, I don't come home late. We actually have time to cook a meal instead of eating out. I used to have lunch out every day. Sometimes I'd eat in the company cafeteria, other times I would escape the great and spacious building. Average weekly cost for lunches - $40 including tips. When I started teaching, I would purchase my lunch from the bacteria at $2.75 a day, saving me nearly $25 a week.

This year during lunch, my friends and I were discussing budgets and several of us made a goal to eat lunch for less than $10 a week. This means bringing food from home. I was excited because I could eat leftovers from the previous night's dinner since N & B don't believe in leftovers. This worked great until October. For some reason in October, there stopped being leftovers. I couldn't figure out what was happening, until I noticed the heaping platefuls that Ben was eating. The 7th-8th grade growth spurt has hit. My grocery budget started having severe shortfalls - and I was not getting a good lunch. I learned to shop the sales and eat Lean Cuisine and the like. But then, my Lean Cuisines started going missing from the freezer. It seems that Ben would eat them for a snack after school. (I'm sure in your mind you are thinking that he must be HUGE, but on the contrary, he's getting taller and not wider.) The cost of fueling my son is a major expense these days....surpassing our insurance bill and our summer a/c bill.

So I'm thinking that I need to leave teaching and return to the business world so that I can afford to feed my child. But first I'm going to try something new...stop at the grocery in the morning and buy my lunch. That way I'm sure I'll get to eat it!

Another strategy is to spend more time planning meals and looking for savings. I especially love the $5 Dinners.com blog. I get some great recipes there and hear about good sales. Right now they are even having a giveaway for a designer lunch tote. Check it out!

Now, if I can find some way to convert the cost of fueling B into a savings in another area of our budget....maybe I'll feed him in exchange for lawn care - then I can cancel the lawn service. Or maybe he can pay me for his meals...he has that dog-walking job. Or maybe I'll just enjoy this stage of life and find ways to make it through without changing careers or taking out a loan.

Home Improvement - ADD edition

What is it like to do home improvement projects with ADD? Let me tell you....

Two years ago, I commenced cleaning out the boxes of stuff behind the bar in our den. Putting away that stuff necessitated cleaning out and reorganizing a closet, which in turn required clearing out and reorganizing all the built-in cabinets (12 of them). I am on the final stretch and am only a hard day's work from being completed. Instead of finishing, here is what I have accomplished:

November 2007...I painted my bedroom and replaced all the baseboards with new ones. I hung curtains and have a new bedspread. Still need to hang pictures and few nice things. I have the ideas, but first I...

...must have food storage (april 2008). Begin buying sale items and long-term supply items. Store water and wheat behind the bar that I cleaned out in 2006.

...build a raised bed garden (august 2008) and begin a kitchen garden. Food storage starting to take over the den, so...

...reorganize and buy and build shelving for our pantry. (november 2008) Buy new shelf for over washer and dryer. Before I put it up I must take down the old shelving...

...All that working with food has made me interested in some new recipes. (december 2008) I planned, cooked and savored 5 new recipes in 6 days. Ben is slightly freaked out that I actually can cook. Before the last load of dishes were done...

...Thus commences my love affair with Lowe's. I popped into Lowe's and purchased a new vanity and sink for bathroom on clearance. Had to have matching mirror and drove across town to find it. Decide that if I'm going to replace vanity, then I should go ahead and repaint since I am trying to eradicate the gray from the previous owners. Hauled it all home and checked a few paint swatches. Back to store to purchase paint. After paint is mixed, discover that I gave him the wrong swatch. Keep paint anyway since it was our 2nd choice. (december 31st)

...Pull out old vanity and break a pipe in the process. Take down old mirror. Prep wall, clean floor, take down fixtures, tape and tarp necessities. List vanity on freecycle. Give away old vanity with faucets (and water supply lines) still attached. Stay up half the night looking for a new faucet. Click a sidebar to see the in colors for 2009 and find out that gray is coming back in.
(january 1st)

...Put first coat of paint on the walls. Go to plumber's supply to find out how to fix pipe. Discover they have gone out of business. Go to Lowes, find out pipe isn't broken - that's the way it is made. Yippee! Go to get faucet. Look at 5 others I hadn't seen online and end up with the one I originally picked. Check to see if there are matching furnishings. Decide I can get a better price online. Buy new switchplate. Go home. Start to measure fitting to be sure what I bought will work. Get distracted by police chase down my street. Talk to neighbors for an hour. Come back in and check on paint. Not very sure I like the color. Bid on robe hooks and other furnishings on eBay. Ben comes home and I nag him about science fair project. Go ahead with 2nd coat. Halfway through decide it looks like a prison cell. Nate talks me into finishing. Eat supper. Finish 2nd coat. Talk to my parents who are calling from the airport on the way to NZ. Decide to write blog entry. Go wash out paintbrushes. Tired, but still need to do that load of dishes. (jan 2nd)

...Clean up painters tape and tarps. Install vanity and sink. Remember that I do like this color. I guess the cell effect came when I was sitting on the edge of the tub and all that was in my view was this dark paint and the toilet. Begin installation of faucet and discover that I need more tools. Get Ben started on science fair project. Call Heather and combine shopping trip. Go to Lowe's and get sealant, caulk, plumbers putty, and teflon tape. Help Heather choose paint color for her house. Go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get shower curtain, rug and extras. Go back to Heather's to look at paint samples inside her house. Fight over which bag of granola I get to have (Mom's granola is worth fighting over). Go home and return to installation of faucet. I cannot figure out these stupid instructions. Ben's classmate (a girl!) comes over to help with his science fair project. Finally make Nate so frustrated that he installs the faucet. Attempt to install p-trap but have to make another trip to Lowes for a fitting trap adapter and water supply extensions. Water supply are wrong size, so return to Lowes. Plumbing "specialist" will not believe that my connection is 1/2" since the standard is 3/8". I guess he doesn't live in an old house. They don't have what I need so drive to Home Depot. They only have the "standard" as well. Get bright idea to purchase two more water supplies and piggyback them onto the water supplies we have as a makeshift adapter. Return home to find that it won't work. Meanwhile, Nate has had enough of letting me "DIY" and is putting on the p-trap. It leaks in 7 places. Go to bed at midnight in tears of exhaustion and frustration. (jan 3rd)

...Sleep through alarm and awake refreshed at 9:04 a.m. Return to Lowes with a picture of our water supply connection to show the plumbing guy. Fortunately, this associate was born before our house was built and knows that we need a 1/2" flare. I almost cry with relief. Purchase another $60 in plumbing supplies and return home. Everything goes together and now we only have 2 leaks. Apply sealant and plumbers putty. Voila! We have running water....cold water...there is no water pressure on the hot water side. Take everything apart and discover sediments have blocked the hot water supply line. Clean it out with tweezers. Clean floor, sink, and tub. Hang up old, dirty mini-blinds since I forgot to buy the new roman shade. Hang up new shower curtain and fill dispenser with soap. Throw new rug on floor. Discover that we forgot to buy screws to hang mirror. (jan 4th)

However, the important thing is that we can now wash our hands and brush our teeth. Brushing our hair will have to wait until tomorrow. As will hanging the furnishings that I am still the high bidder on. Also the tub refinisher will be scheduled in February. And matching towels will be purchased during the January/February white sales.

Oh, I'd better take down the Christmas decorations. And the toilet in the master bath is broken. The DIY website says it is an easy replacement and should only take a couple of hours. Hmmm....MLK day is coming up...that's a 3 day weekend. Maybe we can get it done then.

You want to see the changes thus far?

Here is the before... It looks pretty good in the pic, but the counter is a very cheap laminate. There is no backsplash and they never sealed it, so everytime you wash your hands or brush your teeth, water runs down the wall. The sink needs to be regrouted, and the counter ran the whole length of the wall, but there was only one 24" vanity on the left. On the right was just a big open space. I liked the red shower curtain. When we bought the house all the rooms were painted gray like this except for the 2 small bedrooms. It was a little depressing.

Here is the new color scheme: Offshore blue in a sandstone finish and white. A pale blue-green rug and towels soften the deep wall color. Mirror will go above vanity. Faucet and furnishings will be rustic pewter (brushed nickel).

Nate chose the faucet. It looks like an old water trough pump:

The Ben Effect

Ben is a one-of-a-kind kid!

He has always been enjoyable to converse with as long as we stay away from electronic topics, as he is quite capable of giving you the play-by-play of any video game, tv show, etc.

We were recently discussing the impact of grades on one's income (see rant from early December). He has the ambition of working at "Games Workshop" as a career. We informed him that people who do not do well in school work in minimum-wage jobs. He explained to us that he was going to work full wage, not minimum wage.

For the year ending 12/31/2008....Hallelujah!

2008 was a year of learning for our family.

Nate learned to take his iron regularly and balance his physical outputs to keep healthy. He learned how to use voice recognition software to navigate the web. Facebook users now enjoy his witty insights on life.

Kim learned to go to the doctor the first time. Her empathy level has increased. A lot. She learned that parenting middle school boys is incredibly frustrating and an incredible joy...all at the same time. She is learning to overcome disappointment and try, try again.

Ben learned that he does have musical talent beyond Guitar Hero and plays the french horn in the band. He learned to stop asking mom and dad for money and got a job walking the neighbor's dogs. He IS learning to do his assignments and turn them in.

We all learned how to grow vegetables in Houston. Yummy!

We learned great locations for fossils in central Texas.

We learned to serve each other.

We learned that hurricanes are scary.

May the Lord bless you and your family in the coming year.

Love,

The Ottosens

Holiday Stresspression

Yes, everything is okay, and yes, we have a church. Yes, we both are still working - no layoffs yet. Financially we are fine. Yes, Mormons believe in Christ and celebrate Christmas. Oh, we'll decorate - we've just been a little busy.


I finally put a wreath on the door. And got my nativity set out. But the neighbors are still worried. I can tell by the glances they shoot at our house when they gather in little groups at the bottom of the driveways to gossip. (Usually, I think our neighborhood full of retired people is quirky and charming - but usually, I'm not in their sights). The next one that asks is going to get an earful....


I've been under a little pressure this year. Its been building and building and I'm to the point where I need a sobfest for a couple of hourse to release all that frustration. For some reason, I haven't been able to make it happen. My family has a running joke (which I hate) that it's not Christmas until Kim cries....well this year should be a doozy - good thing I'm not going home.


1. I broke my foot in March and stubbornly kept walking on it so that by the time I agreed to see a doctor in July, I was stuck in a cast until October. 6 months of being cooped up. 6 months of not being able to function at the speed I am accustomed to. 6 months of falling behind.


2. I worked my tail off last school year and we missed being recognized by the state because we lacked 1 student passing the science exam. I am extremely discouraged. This year has been Mt. Everest in terms of the teachers being overwhelmed with staff changes and new IB programs, the students not having much English exposure, not making the connections, and just being mentally checked out. Probably due to PTSD that most of our students lost everything they owned in the flooding from Hurricane Ike (not much to begin with). However, try telling that to the upper-level school nazis that are pressuring us to get our scores up. I have had 2 district "visitors" in my lab this week. Yet I earned a performance bonus this year. I don't understand the politics involved- No Child Left Behind, you know.


3. My darling, sweet, wonderful son. Really, he is! However, parenting teens is not simple. (i know - i should expect that!) I just don't understand how an intelligent, loved child does his work in class and at home and DOES NOT TURN IT IN! He is literally driving me crazy. I knew this year might be more difficult because of the 7th grade state writing exam that causes his teachers to freak out since he has dysgraphia and shuts down when required to write. I purposefully cleared my after-school commitments for this school year to the bare minimum so that I would be available. He has given every excuse in the book for his non-achievement. He has happily informed me that he wants to be a 75 kind of guy, not a B or A type. The problem is when you shoot for a 75 you sometimes fall short so then you are a D or F kind of guy. He has a pattern of getting his grades up to acceptable levels and then not turning in anything the last week of the grading period which results in Ds and Fs. ARRRRGGGGHHHH! By then it is too late to fix it. As a result, he is grounded from all types of media until his grades are up. It is going to be a long, long, long holiday break. Plus, he won't be able to play with his 1 Christmas present.


4. Nate has done really well health-wise until October. His iron levels dipped again and he is back to the dizziness, fatigue, crabbiness, leg cramps, and sleeping 18 hours a day. It is all he can do to work and do his calling. I love him dearly and understand this, but sometimes I feel like a single parent. I wish there was a diagnosis so then we could find a cure for this darn anemia.


5. Speaking of that, my chronic psoriactic arthritis is on full-court press. I had to go back on the Enbrel so that I could walk, move my fingers, and function. Enbrel is a miracle - but it comes with a price (and not just financial). It blocks the function of my immune system, so I will catch every germ that comes my way. Not a good thing when you are an elementary school teacher. So how do I start my winter break? With a really, really bad cold. I understand that for some people, a cold is just an inconvenience, but not me...since my immune system doesn't fight as well, it tends to linger, and linger and turn to bronchitis or pneumonia. Plus while I'm sick I can't take the Enbrel so the arthritis returns.


6. I worry about my extended family. My dad just had a heart procedure that went well, but I don't do surprises, so it was quite stressful. My mom is going to work herself to death. My sister seems to be fine, but I'm not really sure about that. I think she is lonely. My brother and his family are fine, and I love being able to hear about their funny lives, but I worry about them anyway. My little sister seems to be supermom and I know from experience how hard that is. My in-laws are serving a mission in Ecuador and seem to be very tired. My husbands siblings are all busy but face challenges too.


7. My messy, messy house. With all of the above going on, my house is a shambles. I have been slowly working out from under the backlog, but its tough. I keep giving and throwing stuff away and I'm not a big shopper, so where does all this junk come from? I have a theory that my house is as organized as my mind. So it is very apparent what I'm dealing with mentally. Plus that little list of what I'd like to fix about my house is getting longer instead of shorter.

8. The stress of everyday life. This is a real stress. I won't bore you with the details, but everyday there is stress. Traffic, fear, sorrow, little obstacles. They add up. Also they announced drug dog checks of all teacher parking lots...no I'm not taking illegal drugs...but one of the factors dogs will alert on is gunpowder and my husband is a gunsmith. I just know I'm going to get called to the office and have to explain to the police why my car reeks of guns. Plus I haven't had a commitment-free evening since October.

So no, I haven't decorated yet. I haven't wrapped gifts, I haven't made or purchased Christmas cards, I haven't baked, I haven't hung the stockings by the chimney, no gifts for those people I'm not related to but appreciate. And you what? I'm not really sure it's all that important.

I have a family and friends that I love. I try to show them that love year-round. I read my scriptures, say my prayers, eat my vegetables and take my vitamins. I love the Lord and he loves me.

And now, finally I'm crying....so all will be well in a few hours. Yay!

And here is the science on crying:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20081223/sc_livescience/whysomeofushatetocry

PS 2:30 p.m. I'm feeling much better now. I knew that crying would relieve the stress. I'm wrapping presents and trying to decide how to arrange the den so that the tree can be by the window. I know that my life is very blessed. So I guess the family myth is true. It isn't Christmas 'til Kim cries.

Gone Green With Style

I recently watched a slide show presentation about how those plastic shopping bags from every place we spend money are polluting our world. It was disturbing to think that only 20 years of them can have such an impact. You can see the slide show here: http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080506/MULTIMEDIA02/80505016

I decided that I could handle making a move to natural fabric shopping bags - all I would have to do is keep them in my car so I had them when I needed them. It turns out that my sister-in-law makes and sells very stylish shopping bags. http://www.gogreenwithstyle.com/reusable_shopping_bags

I took them with me on my last shopping trip. I had 3 bags that are each purported to hold as much as 6 plastic bags worth of groceries (that's 18 bags worth altogether). Usually, after I shop, Nate and Ben make multiple trips from the car, fingers full of the plastic bags. This time, ALL my groceries (except the cases of water and soda) fit into the 3 shopping bags and 2 paper bags. Nate carried them all in on one trip. (He was very, very happy.)

I immediately went online and purchased another set. (She ships fast, so it arrived in just a couple of days). This time, I purchased one that had a liner for produce/cold goods. I'll let you know how it works out when I shop next.

I keep mine in the car, so when I drop into the drugstore, or Target, or wherever I happen to be shopping, I can grab one and go. It's easy, its stylish, and it makes me feel great to not pollute the world.

FAQs - from people in my life.

If they hold so much, aren't they prohibitively heavy? Not at all - I imagine it is a function of physics, but the wide canvas straps distribute the weight very evenly. No more squished fingers from hefting the load on a small fulcrum.

You only have a family of 3, what about larger families? I do only have a family of 3, but I only grocery shop once every 3 weeks or so. I imagine you might shop more often. I needed 6 bags to carry what I purchase when I shop. It is a small sacrifice to keep our world beautiful!

The grocery stores now sell "green bags" for a much cheaper price. I'm not saying you have to purchase from the website, there are many alternatives. I am saying that the quality between the two bags is non-comparable. Those bags in the grocery store are smaller, cheaper in quality, and will need to be replaced much more often. Find a solution that works for you.

What will I do for trash bags/lunch bags/dog-walking bags if I give up the little plastic ones? I ask you...how many of those little plastic ones do you have stored up? I myself have well over a year's supply. Once those are gone, I can get my groceries packed in them as needed.

What will my children wear if we don't have plastic bags? This one is a total joke made by my husband about a past blog from my brother's very funny wife. (Rebie - if you hate it, I'll take it off.)

Achieving Goals

I hate to set goals. I quit contracting to anything structured when I was 12 years old. That was the year that I realized that life never worked out according to plan. I hate to disappoint so I stopped setting goals with timelines.

Today, I realize that I was a little hard on myself...and others - like the YW Personal Progress people and my mom. My literal self is beginning to understand that one can adjust that timeline when obstacles get in the way.

This school year has been tough between losing a month of instruction from the hurricane and another 4 days from the apartment closing fiasco. This week has been particularly frustrating. When I had taught my heart out and the classes couldn't remember what we learned 2 days ago, I took a deep breath, pulled out my cell phone and looked at the pictorial evidence of the goal we completed yesterday. That mini-break gave me enough good energy to go again - with a smile.

Two goals Nate and I set earlier this year was to have a vegetable garden (which we have been eating out of), and a year's supply of food and finances. We achieved 8 months of food storage AND an organized method of storing it yesterday.

Those of you who remember the laundry room will see the shelves between the fridge and the dryer. Our next step is to take down those wire shelves that feel like they will fall on your head, and put up a cabinet to store the laundry and cleaning supplies.

The bulk wheat and water storage is located behind our bar - where I used to hide all the junk when company came. (The wheat is on top of the water bottles in case of flooding. Hoping that the cans will stay dry.)

I understand now why goal setting can be beneficial. It not only gives focus to activities and choices, but it can boost you in other ways as well. The mini-celebration of success can give peace in unexpected ways.

Trunk-or Treat

Each year, our ward (church congregation) celebrates Halloween by providing a fun, safe place to dress up and get candy. In order to get adults there in the festive spirit, they ply our competitive natures by offering food and prizes for decorating the car. Not ones to pass up a competition, Nate and I decided that this year was the year - we were going to win that trophy. Nate is great at getting the theme and I'm great at ideas. He is much better at implementing and I am a fabulous nagger. May I present the 2008 "Best Decorated Car" from the Memorial Park Ward Trunk or Treat...

Our jackets say "FORENSICS" across the back, and Ben's shirt says POLICE. Our friend who is an arson investigator donated some evidence bags and we came up with the rest. The CD player played "The Who" songs which are the theme music from all 3 CSIs. Nate and I fingerprinted suspects in between offering candy body parts out of the evidence bags to the little trick-or-treaters. (We had some back-up candy for the squeamish ones". It was great fun.

Camporee

Scout Camping Trip this weekend. Nate and Ben seem resigned to the fact that they have to go spend 24 hours camping, eating smuggled junk food, hanging with other guys and communicating in grunts (or whatever it is they do at scouts).

I, on the other hand can hardly wait for them to leave so that I can have the whole house to myself and enjoy complete and total silence for 24 hours.

Ben practiced his lashing at the past few scout meetings. Lashing is not his favorite pastime.

Just after Nate and Ben left, I cleaned the kitchen and the fridge and then tried to go grocery shopping. But the Jeep wouldn't start. So I stayed home. It was great! I slept for 10 hours, read a book, watched the OSU football game, and relaxed.

Evidently all the scouts and their leaders got a symphony of Nate's snoring. I'll bet they think I'm a saint. ;-) Just kidding, dear.

Ben got up to cook breakfast early this morning. Temperatures were in the low 50's - cold weather for Houstonians.

The scouts spent time showing off their skills. They had to lash together sticks to make a tower. I don't have a picture of the final product, but I do know that Ben appreciated the help he got from the other troops he spent time with in summer camp.

Everyone made it home safe and sunburned, and my house is noisy again. (but I'm much more patient since I had a break).

Harvest Moon

Well, I was going to make this an educational blog entry, but the Harvest Moon actually occurred in September. Tonight's full moon will be the Hunter's Moon - not the theme here. Below you can see our first harvest from our garden. Nate said the squirrels were eyeing our garden, so he went out to check and found that we have green beans! As you can see above, our radishes and lettuce are doing nicely too. The carrots are covered by the bush beans and may not make it. We planted 3 squares of broccoli today. It should be ready around Thanksgiving or a little later. Gardening in Houston does work! Just the timing is weird.

Life lately...

It is hard to believe that a month has passed since we were visited by Ike. The debris is slowly being hauled away from the neighborhoods. Most of the traffic lights are functional, and life is much more normal.

We drove out to High Island today hoping that the salt domes had eroded and fossils would be laying there waiting to be picked up. The good news is that the salt domes have eroded, bad news is that the beach eroded first. Now when you drive at low tide, the ocean is only about 15 feet away from the road - even with the salt dome. No beach to walk along to search the bottom edge of the domes. Debris is everywhere - pieces of houses, shoes, furniture, trash, and just stuff. Many of the people out on this first weekend of the road being open were scavenging. One family looked as if they were looking for their own belongings. We drove out about 2-3 miles through very rough, gullied salt dome and road. It wasn't pretty. As we drove south on 124, the electric poles were snapped between 6-10 feet up nearly the whole way from I-10. The damage was so extensive, that the electric companies were replacing the poles on the opposite side of the road. I hope they'll go back and clean up the old wires and poles since it's a huge mess. We'll come back in December when the crowds are gone and maybe some sand has washed back up.

Ben has been very busy with school back in session. His grades remain good (except math) and he is praised often for his natural talent on the French Horn by his band director. He achieved his first class rank in scouts and 7 merit badges. He has had a few service hours through scouts as well.

Nate is very busy at work with tons of hurricane guns to restore as well as the busy season work.

Kim is off the crutches and slowing weaning away from the boot. I can't believe how weak my leg has become. I feel like I have noodle knees when I spend a little time in a regular shoe. The conference in Nashville was very informative and I enjoyed the area. My coworkers and I spent one night in downtown. I especially enjoyed the live bands. Then we spent another evening exploring the Gaylord Opryland - very cool.

It's in my state of mind.

Evidently, because I am currently a Texan, I am agreeable, conscientious, extroverted and open to new ideas. I'm also a middle of the road neurotic. I'm not sure that my geographical location really influences my psyche this much, but it is interesting that I lived the longest in states that mirror these scores - Oklahoma and Missouri. I didn't stay long in Oregon - maybe it was not neurotic enough, or too open? Whatever I think, the research begs to differ.

You can see your state of mind at the link below:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122211987961064719.html?mod=yhoofront#project%3DPERSONALITY08


Authors note: Don't get used to this many blog entries. Once I get my life back you'll be lucky to hear from me once a month.

8 Things about Kim

I was tagged awhile back by Rebecca, but then Ike hit and it fell by the wayside. I find the 8 things much easier than the original tag, so I think I'll complete this one.

8 TV SHOWS I like to watch:
I'm not big on watching TV. That said, I hate to miss:
1. Bones
2. Boston Legal
3. 24
4. Oklahoma State basketball
If I am stuck at home with nothing else to do, then I'll watch:
5. old movies
6. PBS
7. HGTV
8. The Weather Channel (I know...but I got hooked during college when I had to watch it for a meteorology course).

8 Favorite Restaurants

1. Shiva's (indian)
2. Chuy's (tex-mex)
3. Niko Niko (greek)
4. Cavatore (italian)
5. Cafe Rita (Middle Eastern)
6. Mission Burrito
7. The Red Lion Pub (british)
8. Pappa's BBQ

8 Things that happened in the past 24 hours.
1. Ben's friend Walt came over and drove me crazy.
2. We had chicken pesto pasta with homemade bread for supper.
3. Nate's friend John dropped off a load of firewood for winter (one good thing about Ike!)
4. I defended my decision to NOT have Walt spend the night.
5. I watched the final season premiere of Boston Legal.
6. I read 3 chapters of Stiff. And 2 chapters of Annals of the Former World. (When, oh, when will the library reopen?)
7. I went to school to see how much damage my classroom sustained. (Not much thanks to a fabulous custodial staff who dried up the 9 inches of water in my room. We'll see more when the electric is restored - hopefully by Friday).
8. I observed the growth of my bean plants (11 inches!) the recent sprouting of the lettuce and radishes.

8 Things I look forward to

1. Getting back to school
2. Trip to NSTA (i hope!).
3. OSU Basketball season - is the new coach any good?
4. A working foot.
5. SUMMER - I need a vacation!
6. Hosting another Catan night
7. Our next family fun day
8. Thursday - Ben goes back to school and I don't!

8 Things I love about fall

1. In other places, the leaves turn colors.
2. In Houston, the temperatures begin to break out of the 90s.
3. Basketball season begins.
4. Our garden grows.
5. Hurricane season ends November 1.
6. We begin to enjoy spending time outside.
7. Earth science rotation begins and I get to play with dirt and rocks.
8. The hummingbirds and monarchs make their way our direction during their migrations.

8 Things I worry about

1. That I am not a good: mom, wife, servant of Christ, teacher, daughter, sister, friend.
2. That the little pieces of my DNA that go down the drain are morphing into weird things down in the sewer system.
3. My foot will never heal and I will never get back to my normal range of activities.
4. City living is killing my senses and soul.
5. Our society is headed for destruction because of people's greed and lack of ethics.
6. Cockroaches are secretly living in my house.
7. Ben will grow up and still live at home with his only ambition to beat every video game ever made.
8. I'm really mentally handicapped and people are just being nice to me.

8 Things on my wish list

1. A home in West Yellowstone, Montana
2. A trip to see the northern lights.
3. No arthritis & a healed foot.
4. Remodeling projects completed.
5. A 4 day work week.
6. A dog
7. A camper trailer
8. 80% of my students pass the science TAKS.

8 Blessings I currently enjoy

1. Wonderful husband, Nate. He is patient, kind, a good cook, a hard worker, and fun to talk to.
2. A fabulous son, Ben. He is caring, helpful, generous, funny, and makes me proud.
3. No major damage or sacrifices from Hurricane Ike.
4. Good friends and family who care about me and like me despite my quirks.
5. To work in a job that I love and with people I like.
6. I know that Christ is my Savior and I have the freedom to worship.
7. I have a home and the means necessary to live a life of comfort that allows me to help others.
8. I live in America.

72 hour kits, dependencies, and other musings.

It was great to come home from church and see green blinking lights that indicated our internet and cable were back on.

I find my dependency on the internet a little disturbing. We don't get the newpaper because I'm allergic to newspapers and get really bad breakouts from touching them. Therefore, I read all my news online. I also rely on the internet for all bill-paying and banking. As well as phone numbers, maps and other information and a great deal of shopping and researching. Don't forget communicating. So when our link was out all week, I would call my parents in Utah and ask for them to go online and inform me of whatever pressing need I had. Like the football game scores and the school website to see if I need to be at work on Monday. Do I have enough money in my account to buy gas, and oh, yeah, I can't find the phone number for my VTeachee - could you go online and find it? Dad would offer to e-mail me whatever I needed and then just madly chuckle when I would explode "but I don't have e-mail right now!" I'm sure they were tired of hearing from me. I thank them for their time and assistance!

Our civic, church and government leaders have been counseling us for years to put together 72 hour kits to be prepared to support ourselves in time of emergency like Ike. We even received a hurricane preparedness pamphlet from the city government about 10 days before Ike hit. Don't people listen? don't they read? Don't they watch the news? I was understandably quite irate at all the people I heard complaining on tv and radio about not having water or food for the first few days while FEMA was getting situated. Perhaps we had better create a cartoon on Cartoon Network about prepping for hurricane season! We went to Lowe's to pick up some stakes to try to save some of my plants, and people would run in, scan the battery display, and run out saying..."no batteries...what are we going to do?" I felt sorrow for the suffering of these people that was avoidable - IF they had followed the direction of their leaders.

With all my judgements in mind, Nate and I sat down and evaluated our 72 hour kits to see what changes need to be made. We had good water supplies, adequate food supplies, and ready cash reserves. I discovered that although we did not suffer any tragedy, just going through the hurricane experience was trying and I mentally had a hard time planning a simple meal. So MREs might be a nice thing to have. We definitely need to add cranked radios and flashlights to our kits. We had radios, flashlights, and batteries, but we hadn't updated them since we arrived in Houston 10 years ago and the batteries had leaked and ruined several things. We should also add some bungee cords and parachute cord. A generator would be nice to keep the freezer cold and be able to charge our electronic communication equipment (phones, laptops, etc.). We also should add some rain gear in case of having to leave our house for some reason. Oh, and a couple of big rakes and a supply of yard bags for cleanup.

If I were grading our preparedness I would give us an A-. We had the basic things needed to get by, and the things we didn't have no one person could provide. As we get slowly back to normal, I hope people everywhere learned a lesson in self-reliance and being prepared.

Virtually Stranded

Early Monday morning, our cable & internet went out. We still have power, we still have water, we are still safe and still very, very blessed. But we are BORED! I had to call my parents in Utah to ask if there was a life outside of Houston and they informed me of the instability in Bolivia, the serial killer in Utah that looks like Sean Penn, and the stock market "crash"and of the many financial companies declaring bankruptcy or in dire straits. (sp? is that the band or the real way to spell it?)
I commented that I was glad I wasn't a stock market accountant anymore - teaching is a much more stable position these days. Although I'm beginning to wonder about that. We have not yet returned to school and only 1/3rd of schools have power as of this morning. I heard a rumor that there will be no school on Monday either. I'll either be losing a paycheck or teaching all summer long to make up the days. I'd rather lose the money, but state law requires a certain number of days. It's going to be a long year.
The good news is that my sister Heather has her power back and so I am able to get online a little.
Ben's court of honor was postponed, as is the merit badge fair on Saturday. No church activities, no school activities, and the library isn't open. Ben and some of the other kids at church volunteered at the Food Bank on Wednesday.
Many businesses are opening back up if they have power or generators. Getting gas is still a struggle with mile-long lines for the stations that have power. McDonald's, tree services, and lawn crews are in high cotton this week. Most intersections are a four-way stop and now that traffic numbers are approaching normal, it takes about 20 minutes to get through one intersection.
We hope all is well with you and your family. If you need to reach us, call our cell phones.